An Escape

In a remote corner of a very distant land lived an insufferable old witch and her ward, an attractive maiden barely of child-bearing age, that no one had ever actually laid eyes on.  Still somehow, rumours of the girl's insurmountable beauty spread through the land (largely spread by the old woman herself, no doubt). Indeed, the woman had won guardianship of the girl as the result of a dodgy wager struck by one of her blood relations.

To protect her property..er.. ward, the wretched old hag kept the poor girl in a tower and commanded the girl to make herself useful.   The girl did try her best, but with no education, no resources, and no real guidance, all she could manage to do productively was to grow a great deal of soft shiny hair.

Except to make sure the girl was regularly fed and watered, and safely hidden away under lock and key, the greedy old bat mostly neglected the girl. The haggard witch travelled abroad frequently in search of wealthy suitors who were gullible enough to pay the exorbitant dowry the old crone demanded.

Not surprisingly, because the witch was so heinous, physically and personally, she was never welcomed into the elegant parlours and garden parties where the best wealthy fools congregated, and only rarely permitted to stay in quaint wholesome villages where foolish young upstarts sought their fortunes. As a result, only ruffians, pirates and misfits would listen to her outrageous boasting of the girl's talents and beauty.  Eventually a thief, thinking to settle down with a wench of his own, decided to 'liberate' the damsel as his final heist.

The young thief's attempt was foiled by the canny old witch just as he reached the base of the maiden's prison tower. While the  old witch was busy hurling vitriolic curses and scratching out the thief's eyes, our generously coifed heroine used the distraction to uncoil herself from the clutches of the cantakerous old hag by shimmying down the drainage pipe and escaping into mediocrity.

A Dragon's Tail

In a faraway land of mountainous expanses and deep mysterious caverns, a man named George was travelling down a quiet mountain pass when he spied the shadow of a great fiery dragon in  a distant mountain crevice.

George had never seen a dragon before but a friend's mother's neighbour's dog had once been eaten by a dragon.  So naturally, George immediately thought to kill the dragon and become a famous hero among his peers.

George waited patiently until the beast spread its great wings over the mountain side and glided through the air.  George saw that the scales upon the dragon's back glittered like jewels.  He thought to himself that perhaps such a kill would make George rich too.

Then George saw with horror that there was a beautiful girl clutched against the dragon's chest.

"What luck!"thought George.  "I'll not only be a wealthy hero, but I shall win the gratitude of and devotion of a fair maiden!"

George levelled the sight of his bow on the heart of the  huge shimmering beast and let his arrow fly.  His aim was true and the beast plummeted to the ground in the road ahead.  When George arrived to the spot where the beast lay dying, he was dumbfounded by the sight of the maiden cradling the monstrous lizard's head in her arms. Her sorrow flowed ceaselessly upon it's great muzzle as it died.

Young George was aghast. He stopped and stared impatiently at the pathetic girl wailing over the lifeless corpse.  Out of respect, George wanted  to wait for  the right moment to present itself before sweeping in for his trophies and claiming his rightful place in history. But as the girl sobbed over his prize, it never seemed the right moment to step in and skin the beast as he had originally planned.  He thought perhaps the girl would not mind if he merely plucked a few scales, or pulled a few of the monster's giant fangs. But try as he might, he could not get near enough for even a talon clipping. Every time he approached, the girl would become inexplicably hysterical.

George eventually slumped past them and went home empty-handed.  Lucky for him, this was way before anyone really thought to ask for evidence or proof of such strange stories. So when he told his tale of how he took out the dragon, George very quickly became quite famous as a heroic dragon-slayer, princess-rescuer and all-around pretty super-awesome guy. He lived fairly happily until someone cut his head off a few years later.

The End.