Saturday, April 5, 2014

An Escape

In a remote corner of a very distant land lived an insufferable old witch and her ward, an attractive maiden barely of child-bearing age, that no one had ever actually laid eyes on.  Still somehow, rumours of the girl's insurmountable beauty spread through the land (largely spread by the old woman herself, no doubt). Indeed, the woman had won guardianship of the girl as the result of a dodgy wager struck by one of her blood relations.

To protect her property..er.. ward, the wretched old hag kept the poor girl in a tower and commanded the girl to make herself useful.   The girl did try her best, but with no education, no resources, and no real guidance, all she could manage to do productively was to grow a great deal of soft shiny hair.

Except to make sure the girl was regularly fed and watered, and safely hidden away under lock and key, the greedy old bat mostly neglected the girl. The haggard witch travelled abroad frequently in search of wealthy suitors who were gullible enough to pay the exorbitant dowry the old crone demanded.

Not surprisingly, because the witch was so heinous, physically and personally, she was never welcomed into the elegant parlours and garden parties where the best wealthy fools congregated, and only rarely permitted to stay in quaint wholesome villages where foolish young upstarts sought their fortunes. As a result, only ruffians, pirates and misfits would listen to her outrageous boasting of the girl's talents and beauty.  Eventually a thief, thinking to settle down with a wench of his own, decided to 'liberate' the damsel as his final heist.

The young thief's attempt was foiled by the canny old witch just as he reached the base of the maiden's prison tower. While the  old witch was busy hurling vitriolic curses and scratching out the thief's eyes, our generously coifed heroine used the distraction to uncoil herself from the clutches of the cantakerous old hag by shimmying down the drainage pipe and escaping into mediocrity.