A Scapegoat Story

Way back when a two-curtain tent was the height of modern luxury, there lived a young warrior and his very old and superstitious father.  In often vain, and sometimes amusing attempts to gain the smiles of fortune, the old man would make up elaborate rituals. Most of his practices involved harmless costumes, charms and the occasional fad diet. However, the older the man got, the more frequently the old guy would rely on his young son's growing fame and prowess as a warrior to gain power and influence among his tribespeople.

When the long drought came, the tribespeople looked to him to save their children from starvation (after they had tried everything else that made sense).   The old man tried every last crazy ritual he could think of, but nothing broke the drought's bitter grip. The old man grew desperate.

One night in a drunken haze, the old fool became convinced  that the only way to end the drought was through human sacrifice.  He told the tribe that his god demanded it and since he was the only one who God ever talked to, they would all just have to take his word for it.

"I would happily sacrifice myself,'' said the old rabble rouser, ''But what sacrifice is a tired old man?"  The tribespeople agreed that it would be no sacrifice at all, really. But no one really wanted to sacrifice themselves, or their kin and everyone argued that if they went, it would be no great loss, so the gods would not be impressed and the drought would continue anyway.

It was soon noted that the most useful person in town, was the warrior son of the old man and all agreed that if a human sacrifice was going to work, it would have to be the old man's son laid out on the altar. The old man worried that if he sacrificed his talented son, he would be ruined, but he also knew that if he didn't ,the tribespeople would think he was a fraud.

To prove himself as a true leader and holy-man, the old man took his son to the top of the holiest mountain he could find, tied him to an altar,  and just as he raised his blade to strike the boy he muttered a short prayer to his god.

"Bah!" came the reply.

A goat stood in the bramble eyeing the old man accusingly.  The man, naturally, took it as a sign and barbecued the goat.

Then it rained, and everyone totally lost their minds over the coincidence.

The Baby in the Basket

A couple of years before the oldest olden days, there was a poor miserable drunk, who used his wife for a punching bag and would drink himself blind so frequently, he never really paid attention to exactly how many children he had. Unfortunately for everyone, he had a quite a few more than most.

His wife, who once had been beautiful, was a weak but kindly creature couldn't bear to see so many of her children suffering under the terrible influence of their father. So every once in a while she would try to liberate a few of the smaller children who still showed promise, by sending one or two at a time down the river in a basket.

She prayed that the crocodiles lurking in the river would prove better guardians than the children's slovenly father. Granted, more than a few of the drunkard's seed were gobbled up whole.

Nevertheless, every so often, a wily young river rat would conquer the river and get himself adopted by some powerful family of the time. When these survivors grew to become powerful men and women themselves, they got together and formed a formidable army to liberate the remainder of their long-suffering siblings from the grasp of their tyrannical father, who was more than likely still too drunk to recognize his own children.

An Old Mariner's Tale

In a land far away and so long ago that nobody remembers anything important that might have happened beforehand, there was a crazy old man who took it into his head to build a great big boat.

When he began to build his gigantic boat no one really cared.  Everyone was building a giant something or other back then. They just let him build his boat and laughed a little behind his back for wasting so much money building a boat in the middle of a desert mountain range.

When the rainy season came he became a local celebrity for housing stray cats and ferrets in the now nearly-finished vessel. The people still thought he was crazy, but began to see him as quaint and  pretty much harmless.

Then the rainy season just kept going and as the desert seemed to wash away below the mountains, more animals came to seek shelter in the goofy old man's boat. The people began to complain about all the raccoons in the garbage, badgers in their compost patches, and elk droppings on their lawn.  They said it was a health risk to have so many animals in one place. They painted signs and wrote letters to the government, but the local officials had their hands full, what with the rising tides, and lack of boats...

Finally, the locals pooled their money together to hire a couple of legendary characters to rough up the old man and run him out of town "for the good of the children in such hard times". But  by the time their contracts were negotiated, the crazy old builder had barricaded the megalithic doors of the arc, and  most of the villagers had already been swept away by the rising flood...

The Towering Blunder

In a land that used to be the centre of the universe, there was a kingdom that was so very rich and prosperous that even the beggars'bowls glittered with jewels. The very richest of all the men in the land was, of course, the king.

The king was, if it may be said of politicians, a good man, though unfortunately sometimes given to foolishness and pride.   He revelled in showing off his wealth with lavish parties whenever a foriegn dignitary visited the land to discuss trade.

One such dignitary, came from  a country so distant and remote that he had not seen his homeland for 3 years, and his language was so foreign and strange that the king needed 6 translators to make polite small talk with him.

When the king asked the dignitary if he was enjoying his meal, the translators chatted busily between themselves, and then in a dialect somewhat similar to that of the visitor's own inquired as to whether the people of his country were hungry. He replied sagely that sometimes the only things that truly satisfied his people were the fruits of heaven. But the six translators did not catch his metaphor and had to call in another translator. He told them  that he thought it meant that the fruit in this strange country were grown above the clouds. The king begged his translators to find out how this could be possible! The faithful statesman's  reply was that the nourishment of his people was made possible only by their leadership's closeness to god.  But despite the best efforts of  2 extra translators, the obscure metaphor was lost on the foolish king, and he assumed that meant that these people lived so high up that God was their neighbour.

The fool king became jealous and devised a plan to build a kingdom to rival his guest's mythic land that must somehow be built in the clouds, nearer to 'heaven'.

The king poured the riches of his kingdom into materials, labour and equipment, not to mention research and development. Indeed, he spent obscene amounts of money trying to build his monuments as tall as he thought ought to be necessary.At first, everyone was grateful for the project, and were excited to bring in top designers and engineers from all over the world to see the project completed and the competition won.  But the tower never seemed quite tall enough.   The king began to tax the people to pay for his lofty ambitions. Even the beggars of the land were forced to sell their bejewelled bowls. Eventually the entire country was plunged into poverty and they ran out of things like materials and equipment. Soon the tower began to crumble under its own weight, and the workers refused to lay another brick.



Not too long after, an army appeared from a land so far away that the king needed 6 translators just to surrender.